Homebrewed Tees - Funny T-Shirts - Hilarious Cool Shirts and Apparel

Homebrewed Tees – Funny T-Shirts – Hilarious Cool Shirts

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What does one wiener say to another? I don't know, but probably something like "Friedrich wünsche ich, dass ich längere Beine hatte, so würde ich meinen Magen durch Ihre Stapel des Exkrements nicht schleppen müssen."<br /><br />Which means "Friedrich, I wish I had longer legs so that I would not have to drag my stomach through your piles of excrement." <br /><br />Continuing in our <a href="http://www.homebrewedtees.com/first-impressions" title="First Impressions">First Impressions</a> series, comes our German language version complete with 2 Dachshunds becoming friends the right way.<br /><br />

Seriously. Anything but vampires, Edward Cullen, Bella, Rob Pattinson, or whatever the werewolf's name is. Those of us grounded in reality are pretty freaking tired of hearing about it.

Because party + you = legendary.<br /><br />Always dress responsibly but remember: you're never over the legal limit for fun.

If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport. <br /><br />They're everywhere... finding ways to offend you, piss you off or ruin your day entirely. Like when they throw trash on the ground after stealing your parking space, spew nonsensical political views all over your <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Homebrewed-Tees/128228595495" title="Homebrewed Tees on Facebook">Facebook page</a>, throw batteries at sporting events, bring that <i>f&%$ing</i> baby to <i>your</i> wedding, snatch the mic while you're accepting your video music award...the list goes on, and right now it's far too long. <br /><br />Warning: This t-shirt contained harsh language, parental discretion should have been advised.

Wear this shirt and your professor will totally let you slide for sleeping through class today, your boss will be happy to forgive you for forgetting to submit that permit that cost the company $16,000, and your wife won't mind you dragging your butt across the carpet in front of guests. This t-shirt is all the apology you need. <br /><br />Because hey, you're just dragging ass today, we understand...

You know when you see or hear something that makes you puke in your mouth a little? Enter the rat tail, the most egregious of all bad haircuts.<br /><br />Trust us, it didn't get the name <i>rat tail</i> from how cool it looks...

Seriously, get it right people. When a mommy word and a daddy word get married they become a happy little family known as a contraction, complete with income-draining baby apostrophe.<br /><br />You + Are = You're. Period. <br /><br />Writing 'your' essentially makes you a homewrecker and writing 'ur' just makes you a hopeless a-hole.<br /><br />Let this shirt be a learning tool for homewreckers and hopeless a-holes everywhere...

Remember when you used to get updates about peoples' lives from actual conversations with them? When you used to get things done instead of taking quizzes to find out which spirit animal you are?<br /><br />Let your friends know you remember when you used to fly through the sky without poking anyone or updating your Facebook status. Also there were rainbows.<br /><br />
Take pictures of yourself in it and upload them to <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Homebrewed-Tees/128228595495" title="Homebrewed Tees on Facebook">Facebook</a>, because who's kidding who, you're going to anyway. Don't forget to write a status message about where you got the shirt too, so people everywhere can stop what they're doing and read all about it.

Yeah, that's definitely you fertilizing the Drama section at Blockbuster...<br /><br />...Actually while you're in there, stroll by <i>Gigli</i> a few times for us.

Nobody puts baby Jesus in the corner. Thanks Patrick Swayze, even in the afterlife you still manage to save nativity scenes everywhere.<br /><br />You may not have the 80s haircut, the suave leather jacket or the dance skills, but you can have this t-shirt...which is sort of based on God's two greatest miracles, Jesus and Dirty Dancing.

Hey Patrick Swayze, quit sneaking in here and feeling up your wife.<br /><br />What, too soon?

The impact matching shirts have on interventions is widely known. They're all the rage. Pick up a few so you and the family can let mom know you weren't kidding about her <i>Twilight</i> addiction problem.<br /><br />Clowns juggling on unicycles have also been shown to help keep the intervention on even keel.

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Laugh a little before you cry.<br /><br />For the weight conscious, this shirt also comes in a <a href="http://www.homebrewedtees.spreadshirt.com/diet-broke-I809547" title="Diet Broke">diet version</a>.

4-Eva.<br /><br />You're in love with them. They're so beautiful and cute.

No way. Not ever.

Who's this guy? Mista Balloon Hands.<br /><br />Get real...

Because guiding ships home in the dark just...rules.<br /><br />You don't like the lighthouse? You suck.

Not my chair, not my problem. That's what I say.

This t-shirt is a tribute to all the childless couples out there bringing home the bacon for themselves, not for some little rugrat who needs new soccer shoes.<br><br>
Go ahead, buy that plasma tv, you two deserve it. You don't have a financially draining blob that cries all night and spits up all over the high-chair...yet.<br><br>
Don't know what d.i.n.k. means? You're obviously not married...or very sharp. <i>Dual Income No Kids</i> baby, the lifestyle of champions.

You'll never go back now that you've had a taste of Obama and his huge...agenda. White politicians just can't give you what you need anymore...politically of course. Wear this t-shirt and show you want to stay the course, just with a brother from a different party.<br><br>Want to see Obama re-elected? We've <a href="http://homebrewedtees.spreadshirt.com/obama-I10212095" title="Obama 2012 t-shirt">got you covered</a> too.

You'll never go back now that you've had a taste of Obama and his huge...agenda. White politicians just can't give you what you need anymore...politically. Wear this t-shirt and show your support for the dude who changed your mind.<br><br>Republican? We've <a href="http://www.homebrewedtees.com/shirt?design=Powell%202012" title="Powell 2012 t-shirt">got your party covered</a> too.

Go ahead and wear your disappointment on your shirt, since you wear it everywhere else...

You always wondered why the players looked so out of shape, but it never really bothered you. It's a Nintendo game after all, it didn't have to be sexy to be fun. You grew up with RBI, and no matter how many errors your outfielders made or how many times you accidentally ran your catcher off home plate giving up 3 runs, it's in your top 5 forever.<br /><br />Keep it there with the shirt that takes you back to your roots.

The year is 1988. You just chained up Action Jackson so Craig T Nelson could frame him for murder and do his girlfriend. Then, like a douchebag, you put a blowtorch in his face. Bad move. Pretty soon you're staring down the barrel of a flame thrower as Carl Weathers utters the last words you'll ever hear.<br /><br />
Better get the greatest one-liner ever to be printed on a t-shirt, or you'll have one pissed off Apollo Creed on your hands.<br /><br />Also, the unisex melange t-shirts run a little on the small side, so be sure to check the <a href="http://www.homebrewedtees.com/images/help_sizing.jpg" title="Sizing Information">sizing information</a> on the next page.

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We could be like everyone else and put every popular slang phrase on a t-shirt, but we'd rather make fun of every popular slang phrase at once and put <i>that</i> on a t-shirt. That, or we're just lazy...<br /><br />Either way, it's hella obvi you need to holler at this jawn.

There's no better way to send a message to someone than to wear a shirt that openly mocks them. Take them down a peg or two by showing them you don't care what they had for lunch, how amazing their workout was, or that their relationship *yawn* is driving them to suicide. You've got better things to do than feed narcissism.

Nothing says "I'm a trustworthy person deserving of your friendship" like this awesome shirt. See, dogs know in a matter of seconds whether a relationship is going to work or not just by getting a whiff of eachothers' escape hatch. For some reason humans prefer to make awkward drunken advances at each other that develop into weird, undefinable relationships that ultimately end over a Facebook argument.<br /><br />
If we would just cut to the chase the way dogs do, we could save ourselves the hassle. Hence, these shirts truly are the ultimate way to say "hello" (or whatever the hell you say in your language) and know in a matter of seconds whether or not things are going to work out. Trust us, you'll know.

Want to make a great first impression but no habla ingles? Prefer smaller, more portable dogs? Either way we've got you covered...literally. Give the cute mujeres (or hombres) a little Spanish greeting with this festive chihuahua t-shirt.

We're expanding our First Impressions line to include French people too...or anyone who prefers dogs that look like topiaries. In all fairness, poodles are supposedly very smart. They can do things like sit, walk and eat.<br /><br />
Anyway, wear this t-shirt and show the cute monsieur or madame the only greeting you remember from French class.

Two bunny rabbits doing what they do best...all over your shirt. Awww yeah, bunny rabbit love. We love finding cute ways to be vulgar.<br /><br />
<i>Skyyyyyrockets in flight...</i>

So what if your living room is the closest you'll ever come to a stage, or that every time you go crazy on the drums you end up kicking over your beer and having to pick your drumsticks out of the salsa? You're still a rockstar damnit, and an integral part of the band. If you could only find bandmates that would put up with your relentless complaints about sore shins, you guys would be legendary.

This shirt features the classic teenage game of Spin the Bottle, complete with all the same anxiety, anticipation, awkwardness and sheer horror of the original, but with a fun twist. Now Flipper gets to decide who you're going to lock lips with. Careful, watch out for the blowhole ...and the double entendre!<br /><br />

You have a decision to make. Everyone saw you trip over yourself coming out of the bathroom, so you can either try to play it cool and pretend you didn't spill beer on the carpet or you can just go ahead and make things official. <br /><br />This shirt does that and does it well.

There are certain people in the world who deserve to be tarred and feathered. One such candidate is whoever decided it would be a good idea to take Arrested Development off the air over at Fox. Actually, since he did have a guest role on the show, maybe we should let <a href="http://www.homebrewedtees.com/shirt?design=How%20do%20you%20like%20your%20ribs" title="The best t-shirt ever">Carl Weathers</a> handle this.

Ah yes, we've all been there. ...Haven't we? <br /><br />Allow us to present the tee that stoops the lowest of all the shirts on our site. Well, that's probably not true...

Because you have dreams...big spirally, splattered, weird dreams.<br /><br />Or maybe you just like to trip out on psychedelic drugs, whatever

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He's making a list, checking it twice...of all the people who have ever wronged him, so he can seek violent revenge this Christmas season. He knows what you did and where you live, and he's not bringing you a damn thing.<br><br>
Oh, and forget the milk and cookies. Leave Santaur your firstborn and a fifth of Jack Daniels and you might be spared his wrath.

This cute little chick is here to enforce your new Twitter policy:<br /><br />
1) Allow at least 10 minutes between tweets<br />
2) Do not post tweets that say things like "You Know You In Love When U On The Toilet & Still Boo Lovin On The Phone!"<br />
3) Never have a tweet appear on <a href="http://www.tweetingtoohard.com" rel="nofollow" title="Tweeting Too Hard">tweetingtoohard.com</a><br /><br />Freaking social media, right? Obsessed much? By the way, please <a href="http://www.twitter.com/homebrewedtees" title="Homebrewed Tees on Twitter">follow us on Twitter</a>. We're absolute gents and would never tweet you badly.

Or to my certain death...

Not only is it ridiculous and inhumane, but I highly doubt Fido enjoys being stuffed in your fake bag between your lip gloss and tampons while you order your half caff sugar-free skim latte. Wear this t-shirt and put a stop to the epidemic.

Right?<br /><br />For Pete's sake, pick out an outfit already. In the time it takes you to make one good decision, I can make lots and lots of bad ones.<br /><br />Here's something easy to decide on: buy this shirt. No it doesn't make you look fat.

This t-shirt is for the people who woke up this morning and decided that not only did they want the rest of the world to not take them seriously whatsoever, they consciously chose to make the simple task of walking around infinitely harder on themselves.<br /><br />
Just think what they could become if they applied 1/10th the amount of effort it takes to hold their pants up all day to their actual lives. Kind of hard to be an astronaut when your body liquifies and gets sucked out of your spacesuit like toothpaste because you wore the pants too low. Think about that. And buy a belt while you're at it.

We've all been out on bad benders but the earth has been raging pretty hard ever since...well, civilization came along. It's about time to escort it to the bathroom, hold its hair back and let the detoxification begin. Yes that's a word.

Maybe you're a monkey who bangs two cymbals together, or maybe you're a snowglobe with a really gay tune. Who cares, some days you just feel like a wind up toy.<br /><br />This design is printed on the back of the shirt.

Goodbye cruel world...<br /><br />This is one troubled teddy bear. Or maybe it was just an unfortunate accident. You decide.

Sorry Virginia, 11.5 million players just can't be wrong.<br />...or normal.<br /><br />Hey, some people find love on match.com, some on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Homebrewed-Tees/128228595495" title="Homebrewed Tees on Facebook">Facebook</a>. So what's wrong with an Orc Hunter and Undead Warlock putting aside their differences and getting married in a video game?<br /><br /> Nothing...except their children will be ugly, weird little Shrek babies.

Security lines, baggage fees, small seats, bad food, itty bitty toiletries, delays...also about 100 other things.<br /><br />For best results, we recommend wearing this tee when you fly.

Wear this shirt and let them know you never disappoint.<br /><br />Besides, you aren't really specifying whose satisfaction you're guaranteeing...

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Five. Five hoes in this train.<br /><br />Buy one for every girl in your group, and as a bonus you'll all be able to find each other at the end of the night.

We obviously have an unhealthy obsession with spoofing soda logos. You on the other hand, have the ability to smooth talk your way out of anything...or into anything.

Watch out, your car is about to collapse under the weight of all the inane stupidity you've plastered onto it.<br /><br />Want to advertise that you're part of a trendy movement? Get this shirt and show everyone you support the ethical treatment of motor vehicles. There's nothing more tasteless and asinine than a rear bumper full of sticky pieces of paper that express every inane thought your brain has ever excreted.<br /><br />Yes, they are all tacky. No exceptions.<br />Every.<br />Single.<br />One.

I think your stomach is trying to tell you something...

This shirt bears the unofficial official seal of the National Association of Tourette Shh@!& F#&* &S! %&#@!. A subsidiary of the A%&*$#@ F%&$ S#$%@! Society.<br /><br />Proud sponsor of... aw f%$# this.

Has Cookie Monster taught us nothing?

A hundred year old conflict and you thought it was about some land? Strippers people. Clean, majestic women who are amazing listeners. Play your cards right and she might show you some more ankle...

You knew when you walked in the door the party was a total dudefest. Actually, you knew it before you left since you already had the t-shirt on...

Yes you do. And they come daily, or monthly, depending on what kind you have.

Trying to conquer Europe probably isn't the best way to make friends<br />ahem... Germany...<br /><br />But that's just water under the bridge now. Water under the bridge...

Let them know where the real action is:<br /> Your studio apartment.

What concussion?

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This t-shirt is our little way of supporting the town that helped shape us into what we are: lazy beer drinkers with a constant urge to relive our college days, but due to age, jobs and marriages, never will. Damn you Gainesville, Florida for spoiling us rotten...and for changing the names of all the roads after we left...

Our Athens Georgia t-shirt, I guess we'll show some support for the Bulldogs too...

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